I think that most of you know it, but I’m a full-time grad student, and blogging is just my hobby. Every so often, I get stuck – in blogging, in life – and for the past two months, the exact nature of the “stuck” is comparing myself to other people. As a result, I haven’t felt like blogging. So I thought I’d blog about it. (You can also skip to the faves if you’re just here for that.)
So I’ve been doing this talk therapy thing with various mental health professionals for twelve years now, six of which have been with the same psychiatrist. In my experience, it’s the kind of thing that leaves me with more questions than answers and I never really feel like I’m done. I’m okay with that, though. I’m not done – I’m cookie dough.
I have learned things along the way, though, and although I’ve never been super into diaries I’ve found myself thinking about the things I’ve learned lately. I thought I’d share.
I’ve veered off-track with my posting schedule these past few weeks, and that’s because I’ve hit a particularly rough patch. It feels so artificial to come on here and pretend to be happy/excited about some product when I’m not really feeling much like doing anything. But this is my blog, and I love it, and I want it to remain a space where I can express myself – even the sad parts. So here goes.
I live with depression and anxiety. I probably have for about 11 years, but I’ve been diagnosed and medicated for six. Some times are harder than others, and this is one of those times. It feels like everything is happening at once. I’m having issues with my physical health (that’s a tale for another time). I ended my year-long relationship for a variety of reasons, but it’s a loss no less. There are family things going on. I need to secure a summer job. Although depression does not have (or need) a “reason,” these are just a few of the things going on with me that I think may have exacerbated the depression I live with on a daily basis.