I’ve veered off-track with my posting schedule these past few weeks, and that’s because I’ve hit a particularly rough patch. It feels so artificial to come on here and pretend to be happy/excited about some product when I’m not really feeling much like doing anything. But this is my blog, and I love it, and I want it to remain a space where I can express myself – even the sad parts. So here goes.
I live with depression and anxiety. I probably have for about 11 years, but I’ve been diagnosed and medicated for six. Some times are harder than others, and this is one of those times. It feels like everything is happening at once. I’m having issues with my physical health (that’s a tale for another time). I ended my year-long relationship for a variety of reasons, but it’s a loss no less. There are family things going on. I need to secure a summer job. Although depression does not have (or need) a “reason,” these are just a few of the things going on with me that I think may have exacerbated the depression I live with on a daily basis.
Depression is affecting me differently this time around. In addition to the usual loss of interest in things I love and difficulty getting out of bed, I’m experiencing lower appetite and trouble focusing on work. My doctor increased my medication, and I’m hoping that works, but in the mean time (and always!), I’m taking time for self-care and trying to appreciate the little things. Here are just a few:
New shoes that are so me // I like Vans – they’re super comfy. These are the Vans Asher Printed Slip-On Sneaker. The print makes me so happy and I can’t wait until it’s warm/dry enough to wear them outside.
A new fragrance on my skin // Because scent is tied to memory, I think I’m hoping to perk myself up with a fresh new scent. I tried Elizabeth and James Nirvana Rose in Sephora and fell in love. It smells rose-y and sophisticated without smelling old-ladyish (although I do love smelling old-ladyish!).
A lipstick that makes me feel great // This is MAC Retro Matte Liquid Lipcolour in Topped With Brandy. The colour shows up darker than it is in the tube – it’s a deep, rosey brown that makes me look and feel put-together even if I’m not. It’s lightweight and layers nicely over a lip balm for added comfort.
A fresh coat of paint // Painting my nails at least once a week has been my go-to self-care method since my very first experiences with depression in late elementary school. I’m really feelin’ the KL Polish formula – thick opaque cremes are amazing. Also, I love KathleenLights and am happy to support her! My two newest ones are Zoey (pictured on my nails) and Caramello (going on my nails ASAP).
Putting my thoughts and tasks on paper // I have an Erin Condren Life Planner, but right now I feel really overwhelmed by the structure of it and the pressure to plan in an aesthetically pleasing (as opposed to functional) way. I just started bullet journaling, which can be as functional (for planning) or pretty as I want it to be. I use it for to-do lists, scheduling/planning, doodles, reflections, colouring… It helps me get my thoughts out.
Fresh flowers in a vase // I can’t be the only one ready for spring. Whenever I go to the grocery store, I pick up some fresh flowers. It’s a nice little touch to my apartment that makes me feel happy when I look at them.
This album on repeat // John Mayer is my favourite artist and has been for about a decade. Fresh music from him always gets me excited. The Search for Everything Waves 1 and 2 have been on repeat constantly. I can’t wait for the full album. Of the songs released so far, one third make me happy, a third make me sad, and the rest make me want to dance. I also managed to snag tickets to his concert this spring, which gives me something fun to look forward to.